Is midlife transition a midlife crisis?
When you’re feeling stuck in midlife, it’s not unusual to think you might be having a midlife crisis.
You may be feeling different than ever before.
Perhaps a bit off.
Stagnant.
Stuck.
Bored.
Restless.
Sensitive to the passage of time.
Concerned about having regrets.
Confused about what you want.
At a loss about what to do to get unstuck!
As a midlife coach and midlife mentor, I hear sentiments like these all the time.
Super common.
But that may only help a little bit when it happens to you!
I certainly wondered what was going on with me between 45 and 50 years old.
I thought back to my 40th birthday and remembered that I seemed to manage that transition with flying colors. I decided I would have a birthday party at a nice, smoke free pool hall. We celebrated with speeches, funny songs and a beautiful, custom cake. Lots of fun. I felt great.
I remember doing some thought work as that milestone birthday approached. I decided that I was pretty satisfied with where I was at that point in my life. I had a great husband, three amazing kids and a relatively creative job. No midlife transition crisis anywhere in sight.
Or so I thought…
The next 10 years were a bit more challenging.
- Marriages around me started crumbling.
- Friends and family members died and got sick, usually cancer.
- My job was no longer as satisfying.
- I started noticing that I didn’t recover as quickly when I got hurt or sick.
- My skin started to change, as did my weight.
- I went from perimenopausal to menopausal.
- I realized I hadn’t taken the trips I thought I would have taken.
- My kids grew up so quickly, right before my eyes. I could see an empty nest on the horizon.
- Every now and again I would suddenly realize how old I was and how I felt like life was passing me by.
- And most concerning of all, for the first time in my life, I had no clue what to do to more forward.
I felt stuck. I was confused and unsure of what I wanted to do.
I felt more trepidation as my 50th birthday approached.
I knew I had to plan something juicy.
I realized what I wanted to do to celebrate. Taking control of things, I proposed a trip with my best friend from childhood. She grabbed it and it turned about to be a great idea. Together, on a patio looking over a harbor on the West coast of Florida sipping a glass of wine, we made a list of 10 things we wanted to do in the future.
We had a bit of clarity and decided we should be looking forward with excitement rather than looking back with a sense of loss.
My job situation needed attention.
One thing I couldn’t get my head around was what I should do about my job. I had been there for 19 years and was no longer content. But between feelings of fear and doubt, I just couldn’t seem to get my thoughts together enough to make a change.
And then the change was taken care of for me when I was unceremoniously laid off. Harsh as it was, it was a gift I couldn’t give myself. It was the change I needed to change my perspective about what strengths and gifts I had, and how I could capitalize on them and live more intentionally by figuring out what I really wanted to do.
I didn’t know what to do though. But I had to make it a priority to figure it out.
And it – the lay off – happened the year I turned 50. How fabulously ironic!
The decade of midlife transition between 40 and 50 years old was harder for me than turning 40. So, was I having a midlife crisis?
Now that I’ve been working with midlife women in transition for about 10 years, I like to think of this uncomfortable midlife transition phase as midlife discontent based on a yearning for more.
What my clients share with me doesn’t sound like a crisis. Rather, it sounds more like being “off” and a need to connect with what they want and who they want to be now.
It’s more of a midlife identity check-in.
The problem is that the typical successful and over-achieving midlife gal doesn’t have a roadmap to their uncharted and unwritten next chapter.
This can be quite frustrating for someone who loves planning and ticking things off her list!
If it’s not a midlife crisis, what is it?
You can absolutely Google “midlife crisis” or “women’s midlife crisis” to get traditional information of what is commonly referred to with that term.
However…here’s more perspective to think about.
What if you started to believe that what you were feeling was simply the discomfort associated with something new coming your way?
Perhaps an emerging midlife opportunity on the horizon?
For me, this transition started out as a period of not being content and a lot of reflection. I guess some might call that a crisis. But I didn’t see it as THAT BAD. Not a tragedy. No harm. Just discontent. And then, something positive; it led to lots of creative thinking and giant doors of opportunity opening.
Don’t get me wrong…this phase of life felt different.
It was uncomfortable.
It dragged on.
It was confusing.
It required change.
And I didn’t know what to do or how to go about making the necessary change.
What if having a midlife crisis or not comes down to what you make it mean?
“Crisis” means a difficult or dangerous situation that needs immediate attention (Merriam-Webster). It’s about a critical moment that, when not handled correctly, could go either way and get better or worse.
In my situation,, it was more about a phase or a decade rather than a particular moment.
I didn’t have a good sense of exactly what I was experience but eventually, I realized that I saw problems related to the parts rather than the whole. For example, I knew I had been at my job too long. I knew I needed change. I knew I was responsible for the change And I knew that no one was going to save me and make me happier.
It all comes down to the way you ultimately think about your situation. An important way to discover what you actually think is to ask yourself questions.
One of the hardest questions is to be honest with yourself about what you make middle age mean. When you think about your age and stage of life, what comes up for you? Are you comfortable with yourself in midlife? Or did you notice some negative thoughts that might surprise you?
Taking a look at how those thoughts make you feel is a critical next step. Without awareness, your emotional wellbeing may be based on unintentional thinking!
There’s a better way.
I can help you make this midlife transition on your terms. You can figure out how to get unstuck and clear about what you want and get excited about your life again!
Ultimately, you can decide how you want to think and feel about at this point in your life. Being intentional like this takes practice AND you can get really good at this with practice.
This is the best news ever!
Check out my FREE download, Top 10 Questions to Reimagine Your Life!
Life is short. Too short for a crisis.
Updated August 2024
Suzy Rosenstein, MA is a master certified life coach and host of the popular podcasts for midlife women, Women in the Middle® and the new show, Women in the Middle Entrepreneurs®. She uses her upbeat approach with the serious topic of aging to help you get unstuck and clear about what you want so you can live your best life. Girlfriend, there’s more fun to be had! Start now with her free “Get Unstuck in Midlife” Podcast Bundle at www.freepodcastbundle.com.
