Do you feel afraid of what you want in midlife?
You might not realize what’s really going on. But for some reason, you resist don’t making decisions about what you want more than you probably want to admit.
I’m in the business of helping you unstick yourself. Women reach out to me when they’re stuck.
Many of you feel stuck and stay stuck.
You say you don’t know know why you’re staying stuck.
That it’s confusing and frustrating.
But the truth is that you probably know or at least have a hint about what’s going on.
If you’re like most other amazing women, you like to think you’re confused.
Staying confused is actually easier, even though it doesn’t propel you forward.
But…it’s actually is a choice.
Think about it. When you’re confused, it’s easy to get comfortable. You slowly but surely just start to accept that this is the way it is.
It kind of feels like you have no choice. You’re at the EFFECT of confusion.
But…staying confused is the status quo. “Unconfusing” yourself is not. There’s more discomfort associated with it because it’s something new – it’s a change.
Sometimes you might find yourself thinking you’re hiding from what you’re was actually thinking.
You might even notice the emotion driving all of it…FEAR. Plain and simple.
You might be afraid of things you don’t really understand. The thoughts that create the fear are keeping you stuck.
You can do whatever you like, but you have to like your reasons.
Can you relate? Are you thinking about a job situation right now that you would like to change but aren’t because you’re fearful?
You might not be quaking in your boots, but when you’re really quiet and honest with yourself, you’re resistant and afraid.
You’re holding back.
And, you may not even know what you’re thinking exactly. Like with me.
The thing is that you CAN figure out what you’re thinking.
Your biggest clue is to just look around at the result that you have.
Your thoughts are creating that result.
I know it sounds crazy, but what you’re thinking now is creating your emotional state – the way you feel drives what you do or don’t do. That is, how you behave, and that will create what is going on in your life.
You know what happens then, right?
Your results will actually prove your thoughts. Every day of the week.
And so it goes.
The important thing is to really be aware of what you’re doing.
Even though it doesn’t feel like you’re doing anything except feeling stuck. It feels like you’re just responding to the universe making you stuck.
But it’s really not so.
You’re creating stuck for yourself.
It’s the same with relationships or anything else that is creating midlife transition angst for you.
My clients have shared all of it.
Relationships that feel stuck.
Careers that feel stuck.
Bad habits that feel stuck.
Self-care that feels stuck.
Stuck can also be lack of action. You can be stuck there as well.
And with all of it, you really owe it to yourself to notice what is creating your result.
Why don’t you have the result that you SAY you want in midlife?
It’s not that bad old days where if you had fear, you needed to protect yourself and retreat back into the cave so you would get eaten by a bear or squished by a Woolly Mammoth.
Now, I’m not talking about the type of fear you may feel when you’re in physical danger, don’t get me wrong.
But if you don’t like your reasons for making a decisions about making a change…be suspicious of fear.
Your job now is to look for the thought that is creating the fear.
Ask yourself a few key questions.
Is this the type of thing that makes you fearful often?
Why do you feel fear about this change?
What are you making it mean?
What is the worst case scenario
What does the fear feel like in your body?
What would love do in a case like this?
What would your future self say to you about the way you’re thinking about it?
Are you lacking confidence to do what the hell you actually want to do going forward?
Do you feel like you’re wasting valuable time because you’re decisions are about fear instead of growth?
Awareness is a key ingredient to all of this of course. But the bottom line is that it’s not enough to want something.
So I encourage you to take action.
Awareness: One way to start is to really dial in your awareness of what you’re thinking that’s creating your fear. Be really honest with yourself.
Perspective: Another great idea is to notice that when you’re feeling fear, you’re thinking about yourself. You’re not thinking about the EFFECT of the change you’re considering on others or in the world. I think when you do this, you will notice you’re not nearly as fearful. Perhaps not at all.
Understanding: And finally, you can work on your thinking. You can play with thoughts that shift you forward into action by not creating fear. For example, you can try on some new thoughts for size, like ones that start with the phrase, I’m learning….you could think that you’re learning to figure it out, or that you’re learning to feel more comfortable with what you really want to do … as a beginning. These small shifts in thinking will create different feelings that will will help to unstick yourself. You will slowly but surely start to focus on what you can do, which will change everything.
The thing is that this is YOUR life. If you don’t make some sort of a change and take some sort of action, you will likely find yourself in the same position that you are in this time next year — nothing will change unless you take action.
You don’t have to keep wasting time feeling stuck.
But you have to do something different to have a different result.
You have to decide you’re no longer going to make fear-based decisions.
And then, you have to stick to that commitment.
As a woman in the middle, you’ve got this.
That’s a thought that’s available to you too.
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